THE SQUAD

Now in his 4th season with the Elite and the more he plays the further back he goes. He got the vote for the best dressed Elite at the first game and to be honest, apart from 1 save and one great goal against him, he had f*all to do. In fact at one point I think I saw him knitting!!

First time I've seen this fella play for the Elite and I was impressed. His vision and understanding of the game is 2nd only to Jeff Strachan. I would like to point out that during I think the 3rd game our Chopper, while on a bit of a mazy, decided to pause for a bit o’ break dancin’ which had his team mates and sideline clutching their sides in laughter in what can only be described as "John Travolta meets Rollerland". Fantastic performance from this fella and the fans look forward to more, more, more. Scored a great goal but I'm nae sure o’ the game.

The Pitch, Count Dracula, Awuga, I like playing with my tot and I'm a mate o’ Jo Jo's, the one & only CELTIC MAN in the Elite, Mr Keith Park.  Some performance from the man who has more names than the Chairman has had jobs. Chopper 2 played an absolute blinder at the first game and the way he slotted home the first goal for the Elite had me thinking “is this guy from SOUTH AMERICA?” What a player, what a man and he very nearly got my vote for man o’ the match.

My, my, my. I almost had a tear in my eye when I saw Jeffo give the Chairman a hug before the festivities. Nae sure if it was affection or he was trying to get to his wallet!!! Anyhoo, what a performance from Jeffo. He rolled back the years at the first game and was not only solid but an inspiration to his team mates. This man is what the Northern Elite is all about and he has the kind o’ cheeky wee face to get away what could only be described as a professional "get the f... awa fae that ball!" ...Very very close to my man o’ the match; closer than Chopper 2!

What the Northern Elites Player-Manager can do with that big arse o’ his is legendary. Young Elite should or could do worse than to watch the Greedy b......d's technique to see how to hold the ball up and bring folk into play. I'm sure he will remind us if I'm wrong but I think he scored 1 maybe 2 on the night. Great performance from our Shando and I hope he keeps playing this season.

It was truly amazing to see the transformation of the spelling man last night in what can only be described as WEE G no more, enter BIG G (nae prizes for guessing who ate the pies over the summer) what a fat ..... he's turned out to be. Trust me sports fans his napper resembles a BEACH BA. Oh and his fitba on the night was well, lets just say he needs to stop eating. Weeg received some stick fae the Elite and I'm looking forward to a lot o’ fun with Jelly Belly this season. He limped off with a sore toe but I think he realised he was having a STINKER and reached for the white towel.

First night for the Elites new found singing sensation Marty P and what a debut he had! niggly wee b......d as well and I think he could be taking the walk o’ shame a few times this season. Thinking o’ shame, this poor west coaster does nae have boots! Now knowing that the Northern Elite like to do their bit for charity, I think they should buy their new STAR a pair o’ boots. I look forward to watching this loon’s season and I think he can only get better. Well done Marty and welcome to the Northern Elite.

Last but not least, very rarely in your life are you fortunate enough to witness a human being perform on a stage that belonged to him like Jeffo. Our ex-professional rolled back not only the years but his shorts and all and strolled through the matches like he was 22 again! Very unlucky not score a heap oh goals, metal work and some heroics in goals stopped our Fashion Guru but he did enough to get my MAN O’ THE MATCH. Well done Yeatser keep it up min & Mind the KITS next week!

Our Si was dressed like a chess board last night and did a great job keeping the Elite in order by guiding them to a magnificent performance, raising the question “has the NEFC found a manager worthy of replacing JEFF STRACHAN??

Big shout for Kevin lads he's now 39 and the oldest player the NEFC Squad but be warned, I think we have still to see the best o’ Stachmo and I think this season he' going to shine, well his napper will.

Just delighted to be back with the troops after being away for far too long, I chatted to him after the games. He had a great night lads and was proud oh the Elite.